If a tree falls in Rockhill , does anyone really give a shit? And other observations.

I woke up yesterday morning, fired up that first coffin nail O the day, poured a cuppa John Wayne type coffee, and settled in to watch a little moaning news before I had to head out to my  sorta new, mostly shitty job. Some hipsterish/hippy-ish looking cat was on the tube standing in front of a fairly large tree that had been uprooted. Sharita Hutton, one of my personal favorite reporters, had the unenviable task of turning this non event into a live news bit. Fox 4 went live no fewer than 4 times in an hour and a half. Sharita, the hippy, and his tree. It's not like this tree fell on anything, nothing but some power lines maybe, no cars, school bus full of special Olympians, nada, nuttin, zilch. As much as I enjoy the humorous banter on Fox 4's morning news, and as much as I like Sharita Hutton, (no stalker) this  tree story was enough to make me yearn for a Kathy Quinn Payin it Forward bit. Not for nothin, but I can't stand those Pay it Forward spots, and Kathy needs to quit wearing all the Zebra print lounge wear on the morning news. I'm sure she is a wonderful person, but animal prints annoy me before I've had at least a pot of coffee.

So what the hell is your point M M?

Glad you asked. My point is there was plenty of more pressing and news worthy type news, and nobody really cares about some random dudes tree falling over in his yard. Maybe Fox covered the rest of the news that day, but it was all clicks and whistles to me after the pointless and incessant coverage of the fallen tree. So I figured I'd pick up the ball Fox 4 fumbled like Larry Johnson after a hard night of spittin on drunken women. So without further adieu.

Nmachi Ihegboro is the name given the new bundle of joy by parents Ben and Angela Ihegboro. Nmachi is a yellow headed, blue eyed, white baby. Ben and Angela are two full blooded Nigerians. They are not white, in fact they are about as far removed from white as you can get, not that there is anything wrong with that. When I was in the slammer, the American born black guys could be heard clownin the Jamaican and African convicts regarding their darker skin tone. Comments like " He is so black he is blue" were  pretty common. And there was usually some money line about running from lions tossed in for good measure. Never play the dozens with a black dude. They know more momma jokes than you can possibly imagine. " Your momma has a wooden leg with a kickstand, and her name is Ileane", is one of my personal favorites, but I digress.  My point is, little Nmachi's parents are very dark skin-ded, and that baby is as white as Rush Limbaugh. I would not be surprised if little Nmachi was born with a birthmark in the shape of a McCain Palin campaign bumper sticker on his ass end. Nmachi isn't an Albino, he is a Caucasian according to the doctors.

Nmachi's parents are calling it a miracle, a gift from God. I'm calling bullshit. Now would be a good time to mention that the family lives in Great Britan having immigrated there  5 years ago.  As far as I could ascertain through the media coverage, there has been no DNA test or paternity test. But poppa says his wife is entirely faithful so it must be a miracle. While I applaud his faith in and devotion to his wife, I'd suggest a gum swab just to make sure there hasn't been a Limey sharing more than tea and scones with the misses. If my girl had a baby that came out looking like Manute Bol, you can bet your ass I'd be skeptical. If she refused to do a DNA test, I'd be creepin on her in her sleep with a Q tip. If that kid turns out to be a match to both parents, I'll not only apologize, I'll send him a Nickleback cd, a Starbucks gift card, and a lifetime membership to Peta, or any wacky mostly white organization of his choice.

And that, boys and girls, is how you write a human interest piece.

Fox 4, Sharita, Call me.