Fast Eddie Friday

Yeah I know, I said I was going to do this on Thursdays, then every Friday, and Ive done neither. So sue me, in the meantime, hang on cause here we go, Fast and Loose.

This lovely story and accompanying photo come out of Memphis, home of the King, shitty dry BBQ and those ducks that parade through a hotel everyday. PETA is one of those organizations that I have mixed feelings about. On the one hand they bring attention to the mistreatment of animals, on the other , they just go way the fuck out there in their methods of message delivery.

They also seem to show more concern for the lowly chicken than for their own peeps, as evidenced by the above photo. As you can see there are two pantie clad nubile young ladies wrapped like a couple of flank steaks, laying in the sun, while the cops and another PETA person decide if they are okay. One of the girls was complaining that she was ill, in pain and medium well as she baked under the hot assed Memphis sun. Normally a couple of pantie clad chica's in Saraann wrap would be kind of hot, but not with all the blood and possibility of being roasted alive. I may have mentioned this before, but I like repeating myself. If you go to outlandish extremes to deliver your message, people will just write you off as CRAZY. Case in point, wrapping two humans in shrink wrap and baking them in the sun.

So rumors run rampant when it comes to the first couple of Kansas City, The Funks. Now according to TKC and a few others, there is talk of a settlement in the complaint by a now terminated employee of the Mayors office. I'm no political pundit, and I tend to not delve into the area of politics too often, frankly it bores me, however, I am sick and tired of these two Ass Clowns treating the Mayors office as their personal playground. I am equally pissed that the mayor and council cut tons of services, funding and city jobs, only to consider shelling out money we supposedly don't have for shit like remodeling their offices and settling EEOC complaints. So listen up Mr. Mayor, grow a pair of balls and tell your goofy, uncouth, bare foot, idiotic other half to take her ass home. You have made a mockery of the office you were sworn to uphold, you have cost this city money, and most important and offensive, you have shown utter contempt and disrespect to the people who narrowly elected you to office. And you might want to refresh that resume and get it posted on monster dot com, I have a feeling you wont be back for a second term.

And on a related note to the above paragraph on PETA. I have a couple of parakeets, many of you may recall my plan to teach them to ride my Yorkie and perform tricks. I figured it would be a nifty way to get rich, not really. Anywho, Ive got a couple of parakeets and Ive got no time for them. Seriously, I've got to find them a home. Between the ever increasing pack of dogs I posses, I am running the risk of ending up on the news. So if one of my readers is in the market for two small birds who are capable of making huge messes, then you have come to the right place. They come with cage, toys, food, and I will deliver or you can pick them up. The only stipulation is that if you pick them up, you will have to sign a sworn affidavit to never reveal where I actually live, or the squalor that I am wallowing in. Seriously, the birds have to go. I just don't have time for them. .

Heather , everyone's favorite drug pusher (nurse) posted some pictures of a pony, and is trying to pass it off as a puppy. I have to take exception with her contention that the huge beast occupying her home is a puppy. While admittedly cute, it is not a puppy, but an equine in puppies clothing. I submit to you my loyal reader, puppies.

Everyone have a safe weekend and I'll see you on Monday.

Critical Mass is a Ridiculous Mess

Anyone familiar with the "Activist" group of bicyclist's known as Critical Mass ? If not then its because you haven't been near the westport/ midtown/downtown area on one of the Friday nights when this group of nimrods and douche bags converge like a giant swarm of Dung beetles creating havoc and generally taking over the street. With the weather warming up I expect they will be up to their usual antics. Allow me to relay my experience with meeting this mob of patchouli wearing "Asstivists" on the road one night.

I was headed east on SW Boulevard and had just passed through the intersection at rainbow when I saw them pouring down the hill, they blew the light and converged on SW boulevard, they swarmed over the traffic and pretty much bullied their way in to blocking all 3 lanes on the Blvd. I had my windows down, and these douche bags were riding their hippy Huffy's between lanes, between cars, hoopin and hollering, and ignoring the lights. A few of them even brushed my car with their hands as they rode past. I would guess there were close to 100 of these clowns doing their best Rebel without a clue or a bar of soap imitations.

Before I go any further let me say this about bicyclists. By and large I grudgingly think they have as much right as anyone to be on the road. I question the wisdom in peddling a bike at 20 miles an hour in traffic that is moving 45, but that's not my call. I always try to give bike riders a wide birth. So Ive got no problem with the people who ride their bikes in a responsible manner. I do have problem with paying a tax for a small minority of people who choose to ride their bikes in Kansas City, as linked on Tony's Kansas City. Maybe I'm being selfish, but how about we worry about accommodating the vast majority of people who drive on Kansas City streets that resemble bomb cratered roads in Afghanistan. Want to ride your bike ? Want to be treated with the same respect and courtesy as those of us who drive ( getting flipped off, cut off in traffic), then I'm all for your right to ride your bike on the cities streets. I draw the line at having to pay for your privilege to risk your life and hold up traffic, sorry. Here is a thought, how about bicyclists license their bikes and pay taxes and fees, and get insurance, safety inspections, etc. I mean if you want to be treated like a motorist I'm all for it. That's what I thought, bad idea, huh.

Now back to the Critical Mess Zipper heads. If there is one thing I hate, and hate really isn't a strong enough word, but it's the best I can come up with, I despise Bullies. These Critical Mass Clowns come out once a month, under the guise of raising the awareness of the motoring , Tax Paying, public. They claim to obey the rules of the road, they don't, in fact in my encounter with them they blocked intersections holding up traffic at a green light while they ran the red light. So to sum things up, Critical Mass is a group of wanna be rebels who damage the reputation of regular law abiding bicyclist. The police turn their heads while these douche nozzles create havoc and disregard the laws of the road. I can only hope that they don't run across someone who ends up going all Mike Douglas in Falling Down, on them. If you think I am being a dick about all of this check out this clowns web page, notice the pics of people holding up flasks of booze in the comment section. Nothing says public awareness like some freak drinking Old Harper while riding a 10 speed. So heads up people, if you are ever in this part of town and you catch a whiff of foul air that smells like a cross between Ass and Patchouli oil, it means you are about to be caught in a Critical Mess.