I see dumb people.

"Yang Yang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him. I didn't expect he would attack,"

That's what some chuckle head in China said after getting his ass handed to him by a Panda. He scaled the fence to cuddle with the giant raccoon, bear, whatever a Panda is. It seems people in China have about as much sense as everyone in the rest of the world, not much. Needless to say the Panda bit the shit out of the guy. From the drunken tiger teasers turned in to fast food in San Francisco, to the pair of Darwin award winners who ended up as Totino's Human Rolls while camping smack dab in the middle of Grizzly Bear central somewhere in Palin country, there is a seemingly endless supply of morons who think wild animals are cute n cuddly.

"I would be honored to end up in bear scat. '' That's what Timothy Treadwell the guy who got ingested in Alaska along with his girlfriend, had to say about the possibility of getting eaten by bears. Seems like a shitty way to end up, heh, but I guess you gotta go from something. And really, do we want someone who sleeps unarmed in the Alaska wilderness, in the middle of hungry bears, reproducing and fucking up the gene pool for the rest of us? Which leads me to the next group of slow kids. The KKK.

Say what? How the hell do people getting eaten by wild animals have anything to do with the Klan? Well, I'm glad you asked, now allow me to expound on that connection. It all comes down to gray matter, or the lack there of. The prospect of a Barack Obama presidency is motivating some hate groups to mobilize their forces, according to several watch dog groups including the Southern Poverty Law Center and the Anti-Defamation League. Wow, big shocker. Of course there are going to be reports of plots to kill Obama, naturally there will be some new recruits among the clowns in sheets and the jag offs in jack boots and swastikas. The KKK idiots who killed the equally racist new recruit in Louisiana to the Abbot and Costello wobble heads who had the master plan of , and I quote " Cowart and Schlesselman planned to charge at Obama with a car, firing from the windows as they went. They would be dressed in white tuxedos and top hats during the attempt, the affidavit states."

So let's summarize this thing. People who think they can hug giant Panda's , tease tigers, or sleep with grizzlies, are stooooooopid. People who dress in sheets, who think Mien Kampf is good reading, people who believe that they will get close enough to kill a presidential candidate, while firing guns from a moving car, wearing white top hats and tails, are stooooooopid. They aren't a real threat to anyone other than themselves and their equally ignorant cohorts. But that doesn't stop people from getting all worked up. Racists and the retarded have never been in short supply, and they never will go away, it's just a fact of life. For me, it's a love , hate relationship. On the one hand it's a shame that there are still people who believe it's perfectly acceptable to hate someone simply because they have different colored skin, or religious beliefs , or sexual orientation. On the bright side, most of those clowns are as smart as the guy who thought he could cuddle with a giant panda. Besides, they give me someone to poke fun at, on a slow Monday morning.

It's Thursday and you know what that means.

That's right, it's time once again for Fast Eddie Felson Friday. I screwed up last week and did this on a Thursday, so it's tradition now. Deal with it. So here we go Fast and Loose.

Stephan Miller of Big Bear California was killed while working with a Grizzly bear. His coworkers are stunned and shocked, and for the life of me I cant figure out why. Hey newsflash, it was a fucking bear! When this kind of shit happens I don't even consider it a tragedy. Sure it's sad and all that, but you cant expect a 7 foot 700 pound killing machine to act like a puppy. Just ask Roy , one half of the duo in Vegas, famous for their show that features tigers. Roy, who now wears turtle necks everywhere he goes, will be the first to tell you , wild animals are never really tame.

Hillary Clinton who is 500,000 popular votes behind Obama, and is also behind in delegate votes, and behind in pledged super delegate votes, is claiming she is ahead. Clearly she has taken some tips from her husband, Bill (I didn't have sex , it was just a blow job ) Clinton. Apparently this pair of twits believe they can say anything , even if it's untrue, and it will become genuine by way of utterance. I'm pretty sure this is some kind of Vulcan mind trick. Personally I don't like Hillary for a number of reasons, not the least of which, is that she looks like the mother from those creepy Davey and Goliath animation shows from back in the day.

If you needed proof that criminals are not getting smarter, you need look no further than the escapades of a team of mildly retarded robbers who have robbed two Sonic carhops. The M.O. is to snatch the unsuspecting carhop, drive away with her in their car , take her fat roll of ones and fives and turn her loose. So far the only sign of intelligence they have shown is turning the victim loose unharmed. Because the 10 or 20 year bit a robbery will get you isn't enough, these morons have decided to add kidnapping and a possible Man Act, for kidnapping a juvenile and crossing state lines, in to the mix.

Jared Allen is leaving Kansas City for dollar greener pastures, and chiefs fans are bemoaning the loss of another great sports hero. Lest we forget this clown served time for a DUI only to open up a bar. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with people looking up to sports figures, but I get a little annoyed when they turn them in to some larger than life heroic figure. I may take some fire for this , like I give a shit, but take Derrick Thomas for example. Here is a guy who was awesome on the playing field, yet he fathered umpteen illegit kids, who he didn't really provide for, and to this day he has fans swinging off his jock like he was the pass rushing equivalent of Gandhi. Give me a fucking break already. DT had 7 kids by 5 women, a hero, I think not. You can excel in a particular endeavor, but if you suck at being a responsible human being, you shouldn't be nominated for saint hood. I could save a burning busload of blind nuns tomorrow, but my felony convictions and past indiscretions exempt me from being defined as a hero, and rightfully so. Now run tell that.

And finally, on a somber note. one of the 3 pups in my closet died. The mother wouldn't let it nurse, I bottle fed it and it looked like it might make it, but it wasn't to be. After this litter is raised, Im officially out of the dog breeding business. I'm not suited for it. my problem is I like dogs more than most people. I guess I'm one of those folks that get lambasted for elevating dogs to human status. Say what you will, but I've never claimed to be easy to figure out. I never met a dog I didn't like and trust more than 99.9 percent of Bi-peds. For anyone who takes issue with that, go blow a goat. And to the little brown puppy who died before he ever got to chase a squirrel, RIP.