Fast Eddie Friday....Clowns walk among us.

Would you fall asleep while the gent in the photo below was tattooing stars on your face? For that matter would you tattoo stars on your face?

Well if you answered "hell no", to those questions, good for you. Perhaps you could forward a cup O common sense to the now permanently screwed and tattooed young lady captured for posterity in the above photo. Hey I happen to think that most tatts are an art form, Ive got a few myself. However I don't have them on my face, neck, or my meat whistle. You see, there are some places that you shouldn't have ink on. Now here is where the story takes a quick turn down bullshit blvd. As her father ate an ice cream outside, Miss Vlaeminck claims she fell asleep before waking up to find her face covered in the "nightmare" tattoos.
"When he started to tattoo me, I did not feel pain and I fell asleep. I awoke as he tattooed me on the nose and I saw what he had done. I counted 56 stars," she said. Her father is livid, wants to press charges, and of course there is the lawsuit. If you ever had even the smallest tattoo, on the toughest part of your hide, then you won't be surprised as I call out a resounding BULLSHIT on this young Belgian liar. The guy in the picture who is the ink slinger is also crying foul, says she was awake, and he only did what she asked for.

The clown above,heh heh, will be serving 15 calendar years for firing a mac 10 into an empty apartment. Fair enough. He was charged and sentenced under a gang law. Equally fair, sort of. Here is the rub, the gang he belonged to, not the crips, or bloods, not the Outlaws or hells angels. He was no Gangster disciple, nor was he member of the Mexican mafia. Ready? Prosecutors say Dewey Dixon, 32, is a member of the Juggalo Rydas, which police are classifying as a street gang.

Really? Seriously? I had no idea that the Juggalo types were actually a gang. I always assumed it was a bunch of goofy white kids, in clown paint and hockey jerseys who smoked weed and listened to really hideous music. Learn something new everyday. I'm not sure how he got caught, perhaps he was caught while trying to run away from the scene of the crime in his really big clown shoes. Maybe he was captured when the cops pulled over his YUGO which had 14 occupants and a Chihuahua in a ballerina suit inside. Whatever the case may be, thank god and Emmit Kelly that the streets are safe for at least 15 years. I took the liberty of using my mad skillz to put some appropriate Juggalo make up on Dewey. Did I forget to mention his name is Dewey? For what it's worth, his brothers, Huey and Louie, are not juggalos. They are employed and leading productive lives in Disneyland. Sad Clown............

That's it for this week. Have a safe weekend. Hat tip to KC Star's Juggalo Jimmy Hart..

I see dumb people.

"Yang Yang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him. I didn't expect he would attack,"

That's what some chuckle head in China said after getting his ass handed to him by a Panda. He scaled the fence to cuddle with the giant raccoon, bear, whatever a Panda is. It seems people in China have about as much sense as everyone in the rest of the world, not much. Needless to say the Panda bit the shit out of the guy. From the drunken tiger teasers turned in to fast food in San Francisco, to the pair of Darwin award winners who ended up as Totino's Human Rolls while camping smack dab in the middle of Grizzly Bear central somewhere in Palin country, there is a seemingly endless supply of morons who think wild animals are cute n cuddly.

"I would be honored to end up in bear scat. '' That's what Timothy Treadwell the guy who got ingested in Alaska along with his girlfriend, had to say about the possibility of getting eaten by bears. Seems like a shitty way to end up, heh, but I guess you gotta go from something. And really, do we want someone who sleeps unarmed in the Alaska wilderness, in the middle of hungry bears, reproducing and fucking up the gene pool for the rest of us? Which leads me to the next group of slow kids. The KKK.

Say what? How the hell do people getting eaten by wild animals have anything to do with the Klan? Well, I'm glad you asked, now allow me to expound on that connection. It all comes down to gray matter, or the lack there of. The prospect of a Barack Obama presidency is motivating some hate groups to mobilize their forces, according to several watch dog groups including the Southern Poverty Law Center and the Anti-Defamation League. Wow, big shocker. Of course there are going to be reports of plots to kill Obama, naturally there will be some new recruits among the clowns in sheets and the jag offs in jack boots and swastikas. The KKK idiots who killed the equally racist new recruit in Louisiana to the Abbot and Costello wobble heads who had the master plan of , and I quote " Cowart and Schlesselman planned to charge at Obama with a car, firing from the windows as they went. They would be dressed in white tuxedos and top hats during the attempt, the affidavit states."

So let's summarize this thing. People who think they can hug giant Panda's , tease tigers, or sleep with grizzlies, are stooooooopid. People who dress in sheets, who think Mien Kampf is good reading, people who believe that they will get close enough to kill a presidential candidate, while firing guns from a moving car, wearing white top hats and tails, are stooooooopid. They aren't a real threat to anyone other than themselves and their equally ignorant cohorts. But that doesn't stop people from getting all worked up. Racists and the retarded have never been in short supply, and they never will go away, it's just a fact of life. For me, it's a love , hate relationship. On the one hand it's a shame that there are still people who believe it's perfectly acceptable to hate someone simply because they have different colored skin, or religious beliefs , or sexual orientation. On the bright side, most of those clowns are as smart as the guy who thought he could cuddle with a giant panda. Besides, they give me someone to poke fun at, on a slow Monday morning.