Fast Eddie Friday...The more things change....you know the rest.

I wasted about an hour this morning writing a long winded diatribe about the 550k settlement the city reached with Ruth Bates the city hall employee at the center of the mammygate debacle. I then dove into the story of the college professor who is claiming racial profiling, and the subsequent, and dare I say racially biased response of the president. I realized I can sum up both of these subjects in far fewer sentences than I originally intended.

The settlement with Ruth Bates. There is only one winner in this hot mess. Ruth Bates. The mayor cost the city 550k plus legal fees. He alone is to blame. Not Ruth Bates, not his crazy wife, not the incompetent city council. He never should have had his wife in the mayors office, period. Had she not been where she didn't belong, none of this would have happened. To ad insult to injury, the Mayor is still suing over the volunteer ordinance. His statement about "moving forward", just words from the captain of the ship of fools who run this city. As a side note to yesterdays post about the media vs bloggers. Tony's Kansas City broke the Bates settlement way ahead of local newsies.


The Henry Gates debacle. Two differing stories. The president screwed the pooch when he called the police stupid, and accused them of racial profiling. He began his gaff with an acknowledgement that he did not know all of the facts. Had he left it alone after that sentence he would have shown good judgement, common sense, befitting the leader of this country. But he showed his own racial bias. We won't ever know what really happened, it's a hot button issue in a racially divided nation. We made huge strides when this country elected its first black president, that same president just set us back when he opened his cake hole absent of the facts, based upon his own racial bias. I supported Obama, still do, but he would be well advised to act like a leader of a nation, rather than a Chicago organizer. To borrow from Al Pacino in Glengarry Glen Ross, as Ricky Roma: "You never open your mouth until you know what the shot is." It's more than a little ironic that his presidency which had made strides in healing old wounds, is responsible for reopening the same. I expected better, we all deserved better.
Yesterday the girlfriend and myself took a drive to an antique mall in Grain Valley called the Brass Armadillo. These pics were taken by cellphone, so they are a little fuzzy, but fitting I think. The picture at the top of the post is of a KKK action figure. Thaaaats right little Bubba can have his own action figure of a cloaked southern cracker!!!!!

A few more display cases down he can pick up some super sweet brass knuckles adoringly imprinted with the word HATE!!!! Not to leave anyone out, another display case held this splay legged tart. I like to think of her as Strip club Crack Whore Barbie. Why in the world an antique mall on I 70 would display a KKK figurine and brass knuckles is beyond me. I don't think the mall owners are Klansman, but I'll wager more than a few people have made that assumption and left the place in a huff. As for Crack Whore Barbie, that's just my own bias whenever I see splayed legs, tousled hair and a tutu. Hey she could just be a tired ballerina. I guess I should shut up until I know the shot.

Have a safe and unbiased weekend.

Midtown Miscreant's Pre Inaugural Address.

Got an umbrella handy? Good, you are going to need it, I'm about to piss on the parade. Tuesday history will be made again, another footnote in a long line of recent footnotes. Barrack Obama will take his oath and assume the office of President of The United States. In my lifetime I can only recall one president being greeted with such high hopes and great expectations, Jimmy Carter. I think we know how well that went. There is not a whole lot of difference in Obama and Carter as far as politics go, which is neither a slam on Obama or an endorsement of Carter's four years and out. In both cases the success of either mans presidency isn't determined by the level of opposition or criticism from the right. It is the supporters of Obama who will be his downfall should he fail to live up to their expectations. I hate to burst bubbles here, but the high level of expectations placed on Obama will guarantee he will only play 4 and out, just like Carter.


Carters supporters and the Democratic party turned on Jimmy like sharks devouring one of their own , and if expectations for Obama's first four years aren't lowered to a realistic level, he will meet the same end. If that happens, and I hope it doesn't, it won't be Obama's fault, it wont be because he failed miserably, it will be the fickle loyalty of people who have their own agendas, rather than the greater good. So here is a list of people who would be well advised to get their heads out of the clouds, drop the jelly beans and cotton candy, and step away from the unicorn.
Gay people, if you supported Obama because you believe he will eventually back Gay marriage, I hate to burst your bubble, but it ain't gonna happen. If you haven't figured that out by now, you will, and when you do, rather than act like injured brides left hanging at the altar, ask yourself this; Despite his opposition to gay marriage will you be better off under his presidency than say a conservative, like Palin or Huckabee? And before anyone threatens to scratch my eyes out, I'm all for gay marriage, it's just not going to happen on a federal level, ever.


Black folks, if you supported Obama because you believe it will automatically right history's wrongs in this country, if you believe the ridiculous notion that he will start doling out reparations money, or special favors by virtue of race, well you are wrong. We've come a long way baby, but at the end of the day, money controls this country. Money begets power, and the big money in this country is still white money. You would have a better shot at special favors if you courted the government in China. I believe we will see more social justice, we will see more help for the poor, and better chances for minority children to get a better education, all very much needed in a country that spends so much helping the world while ignoring it's own. Just don't make any plans on how to spend those reparations checks on that McMansion in South Leawood.


There is a long list of special interest groups, from Environmentalists to Unions, who naively believe that this is their guy. They foolishly believe that Obama will single handily change the way this government runs. If these folks don't temper their expectations, if they don't get a firm grasp on reality, Obama will be up to his ass in alligators , and the republicans will take control again after his first and only term.

Hey I'm not saying that people shouldn't be fired up, they should, Obama's swearing in is a big deal and should be celebrated as such. The thing is, and I honestly believe this will prove to be the case; better than 1/4th of Obama's supporters will have turned on him by the middle of his first term. Change. Change. Change. Like a mantra, that word has been repeated over and over, like a Bad Finger 45 with the turntable set to repeat. The first hundred times you hear it , it sounds really good. By the millionth time it just sounds annoying. Right now, as of this minute, the only thing that has changed in this country, is that we will soon have our first Black President. From here on out, change will come slowly, painfully, if it comes at all. The president Elect is taking over at one of the worst times in the last 100 years or more, perhaps not THEE worst, but pretty close. If he is competent, and I believe he is, Obama will focus on the big picture, the economy , Iraq, and Afghanistan. Everyone else can take a number for the next 4 to 6 years, he may or may not get around to you, but it wont be anytime soon. There has never , ever been a president in the history of this country who fulfilled all of his campaign promises, and there never will be. In between the promise and it's fruition, shit happens, things fall to the wayside. For some reason a large section of society believes Obama will break the streak, and while it's a nice sentiment, it ain't exactly reality.

My opinion, the most important one to me, is that Obama has all the makings of either the greatest president in my life time, or the biggest disappointment. The outcome will be determined by the willingness of Obama's supporters to put aside their own agendas and special interests for the greater good of the country. The jury is still out on that one, ask me again next year. Despite my less than rosy outlook, I really hope President elect Obama has a good run and begins to right the ship. I wish him Godspeed. Believe it or not, I am hopeful, I'm just not ready to call it a done deal.

**** My opinions aren't always met with cheers and confetti. Read for yourself here.****

Let's not start blowin each other just yet.......

Last night the nation elected it's first African American President, and that's a good thing. It's a bitter pill to swallow for some, in their mind it marks the beginning of the end. Here in Midtown, especially to the east, the night air was filled with cheering, horn honking, and gunfire. The gunfire part, probably not the best move, those little lead pieces have to fall back to earth, per Issac Newton, still you can't blame folks for being excited over such a monumental moment in time. As much as it pleases me to see Obama take the White House, I would be remiss if I didn't take a moment to piss on everyone's parade. Hey, it's what I do.

First of all, John McCain, while I disagree with his politics, there is no denying that the guy loves this country and is a class act. His speech conceding the election to Obama was poignant and dignified. In my opinion there are two reasons McCain lost; first he refused to play gutter politics, proving that he really is different from the majority of politicians, secondly, his running mate was an anchor around his neck. While many conservatives fell all over each other with admiration and adulation over the lipsticked pit bull, she scared the shit out of the moderate undecided voters. That's just my opinion, which also happens to be dead on.

Now to Obama. He has a long row to hoe. For every gushing supporter who thinks Obama will solve the problems in this country, for all of the people who believe he will single handily right all wrongs and turn this country in to Shangri La, I offer up this quote , albeit slightly cleaned up, " Let's not start blowing each other just yet". In other words, winning was just the first step, he has the easy part done, the talking, now he has to follow through. While African Americans , all Americans, have every right to be excited about this monumental election, the fat lady has still yet to sing. For Obama to be truly successful, he must break free of the label "the first black president". Now he has to become just "The President".

Obama now has to prove to ALL Americans that he was the right guy for the job, and not just another in a long line of politicians blowing smoke up the collective ass of America. He has his work cut out for him. The entire nation will be watching his every move, and he needs to watch where he steps. The sore losers, the mouth breathers, the douche nozzles, and the morons, all are waiting to pounce at his first mistake. Some people will ignore the 99 positive moves he may make, and focus on the one bad move, whatever it may be, and there will be some bad moves, poor decisions, ill fated plans.

At the end of the day, I hope we will move in the right direction. Obama on the surface is a calm, level headed, intelligent guy, and that's what this country needs right now. If he remains true to that demeanor, if he avoids divisiveness, if he doesn't abuse the power he has been entrusted with, I think he will go on to be a great leader, but the jury is still out, he has to follow through. He can't steam roll over the now minority Republicans in the Senate, he has to cross party lines, he must remain even handed. Time will tell.

For now, I'll leave you with this. I was listening to NPR the day before the election. a son was interviewing his father for a college class he was taking. The interview was about , what it meant to the father to see an African American running for the White House, with a real chance of winning. The father and son were African American. The son asked his father, what it all meant to him, and while I can't quote him verbatim, I can come close. He said" I grew up in a time when we were still fighting for our right to vote, to be equal. I fought in Vietnam, I served my country, but I never felt equal. this makes me feel equal. More importantly, it means I can say to my son, if you work hard, if you apply yourself, if you want it bad enough, you can be anything you want, even president."

Fast Eddie Friday.....Here we go, fast and loose.

It appears that Ashley Todd aka Velma, will get diversion for her attention grabbing stunt last week. Apparently she has been in jail since the cops snatched her out of the Mystery Van and she fessed up to marring her abnormally bulbous liars head, with the backward B. While the whole incident has become laughable, chew on this for a minute; What if some random black man, fitting her generic description had been arrested for the robbery and assault she claimed took place? Would she have went along with the arrest, claimed he was her attacker, sending an innocent guy to the joint? Probably so. Hopefully this crazy bitch will get some help, I'd hate to see her do something really crazy , like pin a date rape case on Scooby Doo. Ruh Roh!

We have come a long way baby, when a plumber can expound on middle eastern foreign policy, on a national stage, and people lap it up like cats to cream. Not a political statement here, just a personal bit of insight, somebody needs to tell Joe the Plumber to shut his drain hole. In related news the Obama campaign has responded to the sudden popularity of Joe the Plumber, by enlisting his brother Pete the Plumber. He will be touring with Biden and Obama. Pete will expound on foreign policy, and replace the toilet gasket on the tour bus.

And finally, Sex offenders will be required to stay home, lights out, sign displayed saying "no candy here", or whatever it is supposed to say. On a bright note, it will be a no brainer who will be cleaning egg off their nondescript kidnapper's van in the morning. Seriously, it never ceases to amaze, confound and infuriate me, that these creepy fuckers have the gall to snivel and whine about their rights being violated. They feel violated because they have to register as sex offenders, they feel violated because they cant live next to a school, they feel violated because they cant pass out candy. It's ironic, that the very people who have no qualms about violating the innocent, are so quick to complain about perceived violations of their rights, brought on by their own guilty actions.

That's it for this week boys and girls. Everyone have a safe, Plumber and Pedophile free Halloween. I'll be back Monday, with that previously promised , Suburban/Rural blight post I eluded to during my urban Blight series. It promises to be Hillbilly-licious.

Let's talk about the elephant in the room

Yeah, that one, the wide assed, day glo orange in honor of Halloween, 20 ton pachyderm, standing next to grandma's credenza, smack dab in the middle of the living room. Careful watch where you're walkin, you don't want to be steppin in that.

Let me go way the fuck out on a limb here and make a really wild accusation; This election is polarized by fear, race, and a small minority of mouth breathers that are making everyone, on both sides, look, like, shit. I say a small minority, and I want to believe it, but I am beginning to have my doubts. I'm beginning to think that it runs deeper.

I took these pictures along Ward Parkway, in the low 60's, not sure of the exact street, trust me if you drive by them you can't miss them. These are big signs, 6 foot or so wide. If you are in denial, or on the defensive, you might be thinking, "What does race have to do with it ?", please cut that shit out right now. Never in my memory has a candidate drawn the type of reactions, and vile shit spewing as has Obama. Before I offend my lone Russian expatriate reader, let me just state the obvious, the vandalism in these pictures, is not a political statement nor is it even about the former USSR. This is the politically correct way to avoid a hate crime charge by saying what they really want to say, so allow me to translate. What the vandals wanted to say is " How dare you have the audacity to put up a sign in support of the funny named Muslim terrorist, you fuckin nigger lover", or something to that effect. It's about intimidation, instead of white hoods, they used spray paint.

Look, this race has been embroiled in race from the git go. And it hasn't been just whites, it's been blacks and Hispanics as well. First there was the black folks, who said Obama wasn't black enough, he wasn't an African American, just African. WTF, I didn't get it, still don't. There was the hushed voices from the Hispanic community, many of them as devoutly racist as the worst Cracker from Bug Tussle Arkansas. There are the whites who come right out and say it, "Don't want no galldamn nigger in the white house, and the more subtle ones, the ones who throw around a middle name as if it is an indictment of a mans character.

While many may not believe me, I would be just as quick to slam anyone who attacked McCain in the same manner, but that has not happened, not on such a personal level. Nobody called McCain a baby killer, and after all he flew a plane in Nam, I'm sure someone in the military killed some baby's back then, so guilt by association, right? Fuck no that's not right, it's ridiculous, and it is equally ridiculous and offensive when folks call Obama a terrorist by association.

I was just a kid, but I was around when George Wallace ran for president. A more reprehensible scumbag, you would be hard pressed to find. There was nowhere near the kind of vitriol and plain hate filled horse shit over Wallace as there has been over Obama.

And Breath......................................................

Okay, let me just say that I don't think most conservatives condone this type of thing. This isn't really about politics, as much as people try to pretend it is. Look, we are all a little racist, have some knee jerk reactions, based on color, looks, etc. When I'm outside walking the dogs at night, and I see a couple of young black guys, clothes saggin, hoods on, approaching me , I tense up, I watch them, closely. I haven't had a gun stuck in my face by anyone black, ever. I have had some white people stick guns in my face, sometimes they had badges, sometimes not. My point is, that doesn't make me a Klansman, it makes me human, and not for nothin, but around this area, it makes me smart too. Those same young black guys will automatically assume the worst when a white cop pulls them over, even if they aren't doing anything wrong, and even if they have never been treated poorly by the cops, they will still assume the worst, it's just how we are wired.

So whats my point? My point is, we have come a long way in this country, but not nearly far enough, and we probably never will get there. Here's the rub, there will always be sub sections of society, on all sides of the racial, political and religious divide, who make the rest of us look bad.

So now that we have recognized the elephant, lets just call it what it is. Business as usual.

Awww shit not again. Another political message from the Midtown Miscreant.

When it comes to presidential elections, especially the final 6 weeks, all substance about the things that matter goes out the window. People get ugly, they spit vile at one another across the chasm that separates the liberal from the conservative. The folks who are ahead in the polls, in this case the Democrats, have the luxury of remaining somewhat aloof. They can play the benevolent Uncle, tsk tsking the Republicans for being spoiled sports, poor losers, sailors aboard a sinking ship. If the polls were reversed, those roles would be flipped as well. In the end it's all a big game, granted the stakes are of an infinitely high order, but it's a game all the same, a race, a competition; Get it? Most of us do, even while we besmirch the opposition, post unflattering You Tube videos, and compose scathing indictments on the lacking competency of the opposing candidate, in the end, we don't lose sight of the fact that we are all in this together, despite our differences.

We watch these stump speeches, the candidate whipping the crowd in to a frenzy. Every dig and barb at the other side draws a huge cheer, boo's and hisses, all in agreement, love, peace, and chicken grease. Of course everyone at these rallies is in agreement, it's why they are there. People that attend these things are the voice of the party, at least that's what we are told, but I don't buy that. I think we are better than that, I think we are more than that, and I don't think most of us can be defined in one box or the other. Now before my regular readers get the wrong idea and think I've been in the Hippy Lettuce on a Sunday morning, thus my optimistic sentiment; okay maybe I have but that's beside the point, ....now where was I? Oh, the people at political rallies; they aren't a good barometer or measurement of all of us. Now, I'll tell you why.

This race is different for a multitude of reasons, the economy is as fucked up as a soup sandwich, people are losing their jobs at an alarming rate, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, health care, education, eight long years of mismanagement,and reach arounds, from the incompetent Commander in Chief. The senators and representatives, the supposed checks and balances, have sat on their hands and failed us all miserably. The buck stops with Bush, but it passed through a whole lot of hands to get there. There isn't a single politician in D.C. who shouldn't feel a sense of shame and guilt, not, a, single, one.

That aside, the real issue is one that shouldn't even exist. The thing that has people frothing at the mouth, the elephant in the room, standing on all of our feet, actually isn't a single elephant, it's a small herd, Race, Religion, and Gender. Which brings me to the recent sound bytes of angry McCain supporters, chanting terrorist, traitor, and worse, comparing Obama to Hitler, using the guys middle name with the same vitriol and contempt as if they were calling him a child molester. I gained some new found respect for McCain when he chastised people, the spin in most circles is that he did so, simply to cover his ass, but I don't buy that, I think he did it because he is basically a decent person, at least as much as politics allows. That's the thing, you really can respect someone yet disagree. I think both sides, all of us, would do well to remember that.

The people who are so pissed off, I mean pissed off to the point of dressing down their candidate at his own rally, they disturb me. The morons who take on a mob mentality, recite shit that they heard or read, but don't really understand, they bother me. The anger is motivated through fear, don't try to tell me differently, I lied for a living, I can spot bullshit a mile away. Don't get me wrong, simply disagreeing with a mans politics, questioning his character, fair game and as it should be. That said, there is a small but vocal minority, that get the press, that feed the media those ugly sound bytes. I promise you it's bi partisan, that guy that's yelling kill him, traitor, at the McCain Rally is the same guy who sits around with his buddies, farts, drinks beer and picks his teeth, bemoaning the state of the union should that Spade Muslim sumbitch get in the white house. And for every racist redneck, there is some misogynist democrat or republican who doesn't want that goddamn Alaskan split tail anywhere near the oval office, let alone a heart beat away, unless she is doing a Lewinski. I don't want her there either, but it has nothing to do with her Vagina or blow jobs. I'm a big fan of both, I just happen to disagree with her dogma.

So what's the point to this long winded, wordy, rambling missive? First of all, it's Sunday. If you had something better to do, you would be doing it and not reading this, so quit complaining, or go twitter something. Secondly, and most importantly, and to finally sum this shit up; don't let those snippets of some douche bag at some political rally , be the thing that forms your opinion about Conservatives or Liberals, we are better than that, at least the majority of us, if not, then we are really fucked.

Fast Eddie Friday

That's right boy's and girl's it's back, Fast Eddie Friday! For those of you who dont recall what FEF is, allow me to enlighten you. When I dont have a planned post finished, or cant come up with anything that warrants one of my long winded tirades, I throw together a hodge podge of vaugley witty, mostly acidic, one and two, 3 or 4 liners, on totally unrelated topics. So here we go, fast and loose.

Politicians please stop using the term Main Street. I dont care which party you are with, you are not in touch with the people on Main street. And while I'm on the subject of annoying political catch phrases, Maverick, stop calling yourself a maverick for christ sake. You voted 90 percent of the time with the president. Senator, I met James Garner, you sir are no James Garner.

Obama, I think you are the lesser of two evils, of course I've been stripped of my voting rights so I can't vote for you anyway. That said, you might want to slow down on those vows to change the way this government is run. It's been running the same way since George W chopped down that tree to carve his first set of teeth. In other words, dont let your mouth write checks your ass cant cash.

If I hear one more politician talk about winning the war in Iraq, my head will explode. Let's cut the bullshit, there were no terrorists, al Qadhi, or weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. We lost that war before it ever really got started, because we had no fucking business there in the first place. Let me emphasize this point, You cannot claim victory in a war that was started based on false information and hidden agendas. Sure we have al Qadhi in Iraq now, because they came there to fight us, they brought the fight to us, not the reverse.

Sarah (Betty Boop) Palin is really getting on my last nerve. I'm not sure if it is her repeated claims that she is middle class, bullshit, her insistence that dealing with polar bears that cross from Russia into Alaska, constitutes foreign affairs experience, or her cutesy winks and that fucking Betty Boop voice. If McCain goes tits up and croaks while in the White House, we will be left with Annie Oakley running this country. Just because you can skin a moose and gut a fish, doesn't mean you are qualified to lead a country. "Say it ain't sooo, Joe!

This morning Channel 5 was covering the over night lead disbursement in Westport, the camera panned to one of the people who apparently was getting shot at. He was talking to the police, while sporting a giant over sized Stop Snitching T shirt. Pot meet Kettle.

My comrade and Kansas City blogger Meesha V. was awarded the Pitch Best Of Award for his blog. If you dont read him , I suggest you start, otherwise the KGB might come a knockin.

And last but not least, a certain self proclaimed crime fighter in Kansas City is really starting to get on my nerves. I have a "Stupid Statement" counter running as we speak. This guy has about 3 or 4 more retarded statements to make, before I let loose a tirade, the likes of which have never before been witnessed. Seriously, Alonzo, give the crazy shit a rest, go back to helping people, rather than sounding like some spoiled kid who didn't get picked first for dodge ball.

Okay, that just about does it. Everyone have a safe weekend, in other words do your drinking in JoCo. I'll be back Monday with my latest installment of ne'er do wells I've known.

A public service message from Midtown Miscreant

Am I alone here, or is anyone else as saturated as Sponge Bob Square Pants in a swimming pool, when it comes to the Road to the White house? Let me give you the take of a non political junkie. I promise it will be chock full of oversimplified solutions, uninformed opinions, and a total disregard for the political process. I've got a lengthy list of shit that annoys me, pisses me off, and more importantly , amuses me. Here is the short list.

The rabid, dyed in the wool, petulant, and infantile, Hillary fanatics. Please, and I mean this in a good christian way, Shut the fuck up already! If I see one more angry, frothing at the mouth Hilary supporter, spout the same tired line about how they aren't going to "give up", I swear to God and Mr. Green jeans, I'm going to lose it. There is a certain percentage of Hillary supporters who threaten to vote for a Republican out of spite. They claim to hold a particular set of beliefs and values, and threaten to set those core beliefs aside as payback, because shit didn't play out like they wanted. Like spurned school girls who didn't get asked to the prom by the guy they wanted, they go dateless and spend the night giving the Fish Eye to the girls with dates, while they dance with each other.

To the equally annoying, adoration drunk, uber Obama fanatics, blow the guy already and get over it. I like the guy too, I think he will do a better job than the current Texas wobble head holding office, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't walk on water. Obama hasn't spent his entire life on a mountain in Tibet, he has some dirt on his hands, same as any other political figure, same as every major political figure of the last couple of centuries. Like I said, I think he is the best choice out there, but until he appears at the Burger King on main, feeds the entire population of Hyde Park, with just two Fillet O Fish's and a small fry, I'll reserve the right to not call him Jesus H Christ. So please, stop gushing over the guy, give him some air.

And to the equally clueless and frighteningly devout John McCainiacs, please stop swinging from Grandpas plum sack. If you follow his political leanings, believe in his policies, then I say good for you, you should vote for him. But, if you are basing your decision solely upon the fact that he was a POW, or because he isn't a black guy with a funny name, or because he looks like an older version of Paul Simon, then you are a moron, and you shouldn't be allowed out of the house without a football helmet strapped to your water filled , abnormally large head.

Look, don't get me wrong, I fully understand the importance of electing the Leader of the greatest nation on earth. And to the people who perform that task with rational thought and no hidden agendas, I salute you. I am certain that the majority of voters are guided by a firm belief in their own personal values. But we never see those people on the news. What we are served up instead, is the political equivalent of monkeys flinging poo at one another, and anyone else within range. The politicians and their camps pontificate on their candidates great expertise and vast knowledge, while condemning his opponent to a life spent taking the short bus to the broom factory. I get that part of it, it's their job, it's their hustle. But the glassy eyed zealots, the guy or gal on the street, the one that gets caught up in the bullshit hash being slung by their party, those are the folks who puzzle and amuse me the most.

And finally, to the conspiracy theorists, the cloak and dagger types, the True believers, who think Obama is the antichrist, an Al Kaydee operative, or are buying any of the other far flung accusations on the interwebs, I say this. Are you people fucking retarded? Do you just go around believing anything you are told? I wont even bother linking any of the 20 million websites and message boards that claim Obama will destroy the country, or that he is a Muslim version of Dr. Evil. Look, at the end of the day, no single leader, no president can fuck things up all on his own, he has to have the help and support of all the other knuckleheads on Capitol Hill. That's why we are over in Iraq, we have both parties to thank. Lets stop making wild accusations, lets chill out on the Chicken Little theories, and lets get through this election without killing one another. In the words of a great orator and humanitarian " Can we all just get along"?

I'm Midtown Miscreant, and I approved this message.

It's Thursday and you know what that means.

That's right, it's time once again for Fast Eddie Felson Friday. I screwed up last week and did this on a Thursday, so it's tradition now. Deal with it. So here we go Fast and Loose.

Stephan Miller of Big Bear California was killed while working with a Grizzly bear. His coworkers are stunned and shocked, and for the life of me I cant figure out why. Hey newsflash, it was a fucking bear! When this kind of shit happens I don't even consider it a tragedy. Sure it's sad and all that, but you cant expect a 7 foot 700 pound killing machine to act like a puppy. Just ask Roy , one half of the duo in Vegas, famous for their show that features tigers. Roy, who now wears turtle necks everywhere he goes, will be the first to tell you , wild animals are never really tame.

Hillary Clinton who is 500,000 popular votes behind Obama, and is also behind in delegate votes, and behind in pledged super delegate votes, is claiming she is ahead. Clearly she has taken some tips from her husband, Bill (I didn't have sex , it was just a blow job ) Clinton. Apparently this pair of twits believe they can say anything , even if it's untrue, and it will become genuine by way of utterance. I'm pretty sure this is some kind of Vulcan mind trick. Personally I don't like Hillary for a number of reasons, not the least of which, is that she looks like the mother from those creepy Davey and Goliath animation shows from back in the day.

If you needed proof that criminals are not getting smarter, you need look no further than the escapades of a team of mildly retarded robbers who have robbed two Sonic carhops. The M.O. is to snatch the unsuspecting carhop, drive away with her in their car , take her fat roll of ones and fives and turn her loose. So far the only sign of intelligence they have shown is turning the victim loose unharmed. Because the 10 or 20 year bit a robbery will get you isn't enough, these morons have decided to add kidnapping and a possible Man Act, for kidnapping a juvenile and crossing state lines, in to the mix.

Jared Allen is leaving Kansas City for dollar greener pastures, and chiefs fans are bemoaning the loss of another great sports hero. Lest we forget this clown served time for a DUI only to open up a bar. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with people looking up to sports figures, but I get a little annoyed when they turn them in to some larger than life heroic figure. I may take some fire for this , like I give a shit, but take Derrick Thomas for example. Here is a guy who was awesome on the playing field, yet he fathered umpteen illegit kids, who he didn't really provide for, and to this day he has fans swinging off his jock like he was the pass rushing equivalent of Gandhi. Give me a fucking break already. DT had 7 kids by 5 women, a hero, I think not. You can excel in a particular endeavor, but if you suck at being a responsible human being, you shouldn't be nominated for saint hood. I could save a burning busload of blind nuns tomorrow, but my felony convictions and past indiscretions exempt me from being defined as a hero, and rightfully so. Now run tell that.

And finally, on a somber note. one of the 3 pups in my closet died. The mother wouldn't let it nurse, I bottle fed it and it looked like it might make it, but it wasn't to be. After this litter is raised, Im officially out of the dog breeding business. I'm not suited for it. my problem is I like dogs more than most people. I guess I'm one of those folks that get lambasted for elevating dogs to human status. Say what you will, but I've never claimed to be easy to figure out. I never met a dog I didn't like and trust more than 99.9 percent of Bi-peds. For anyone who takes issue with that, go blow a goat. And to the little brown puppy who died before he ever got to chase a squirrel, RIP.

Race Bannon Exposes Obama

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