Let's not start blowin each other just yet.......

Last night the nation elected it's first African American President, and that's a good thing. It's a bitter pill to swallow for some, in their mind it marks the beginning of the end. Here in Midtown, especially to the east, the night air was filled with cheering, horn honking, and gunfire. The gunfire part, probably not the best move, those little lead pieces have to fall back to earth, per Issac Newton, still you can't blame folks for being excited over such a monumental moment in time. As much as it pleases me to see Obama take the White House, I would be remiss if I didn't take a moment to piss on everyone's parade. Hey, it's what I do.

First of all, John McCain, while I disagree with his politics, there is no denying that the guy loves this country and is a class act. His speech conceding the election to Obama was poignant and dignified. In my opinion there are two reasons McCain lost; first he refused to play gutter politics, proving that he really is different from the majority of politicians, secondly, his running mate was an anchor around his neck. While many conservatives fell all over each other with admiration and adulation over the lipsticked pit bull, she scared the shit out of the moderate undecided voters. That's just my opinion, which also happens to be dead on.

Now to Obama. He has a long row to hoe. For every gushing supporter who thinks Obama will solve the problems in this country, for all of the people who believe he will single handily right all wrongs and turn this country in to Shangri La, I offer up this quote , albeit slightly cleaned up, " Let's not start blowing each other just yet". In other words, winning was just the first step, he has the easy part done, the talking, now he has to follow through. While African Americans , all Americans, have every right to be excited about this monumental election, the fat lady has still yet to sing. For Obama to be truly successful, he must break free of the label "the first black president". Now he has to become just "The President".

Obama now has to prove to ALL Americans that he was the right guy for the job, and not just another in a long line of politicians blowing smoke up the collective ass of America. He has his work cut out for him. The entire nation will be watching his every move, and he needs to watch where he steps. The sore losers, the mouth breathers, the douche nozzles, and the morons, all are waiting to pounce at his first mistake. Some people will ignore the 99 positive moves he may make, and focus on the one bad move, whatever it may be, and there will be some bad moves, poor decisions, ill fated plans.

At the end of the day, I hope we will move in the right direction. Obama on the surface is a calm, level headed, intelligent guy, and that's what this country needs right now. If he remains true to that demeanor, if he avoids divisiveness, if he doesn't abuse the power he has been entrusted with, I think he will go on to be a great leader, but the jury is still out, he has to follow through. He can't steam roll over the now minority Republicans in the Senate, he has to cross party lines, he must remain even handed. Time will tell.

For now, I'll leave you with this. I was listening to NPR the day before the election. a son was interviewing his father for a college class he was taking. The interview was about , what it meant to the father to see an African American running for the White House, with a real chance of winning. The father and son were African American. The son asked his father, what it all meant to him, and while I can't quote him verbatim, I can come close. He said" I grew up in a time when we were still fighting for our right to vote, to be equal. I fought in Vietnam, I served my country, but I never felt equal. this makes me feel equal. More importantly, it means I can say to my son, if you work hard, if you apply yourself, if you want it bad enough, you can be anything you want, even president."

Fast Eddie Friday.....Here we go, fast and loose.

It appears that Ashley Todd aka Velma, will get diversion for her attention grabbing stunt last week. Apparently she has been in jail since the cops snatched her out of the Mystery Van and she fessed up to marring her abnormally bulbous liars head, with the backward B. While the whole incident has become laughable, chew on this for a minute; What if some random black man, fitting her generic description had been arrested for the robbery and assault she claimed took place? Would she have went along with the arrest, claimed he was her attacker, sending an innocent guy to the joint? Probably so. Hopefully this crazy bitch will get some help, I'd hate to see her do something really crazy , like pin a date rape case on Scooby Doo. Ruh Roh!

We have come a long way baby, when a plumber can expound on middle eastern foreign policy, on a national stage, and people lap it up like cats to cream. Not a political statement here, just a personal bit of insight, somebody needs to tell Joe the Plumber to shut his drain hole. In related news the Obama campaign has responded to the sudden popularity of Joe the Plumber, by enlisting his brother Pete the Plumber. He will be touring with Biden and Obama. Pete will expound on foreign policy, and replace the toilet gasket on the tour bus.

And finally, Sex offenders will be required to stay home, lights out, sign displayed saying "no candy here", or whatever it is supposed to say. On a bright note, it will be a no brainer who will be cleaning egg off their nondescript kidnapper's van in the morning. Seriously, it never ceases to amaze, confound and infuriate me, that these creepy fuckers have the gall to snivel and whine about their rights being violated. They feel violated because they have to register as sex offenders, they feel violated because they cant live next to a school, they feel violated because they cant pass out candy. It's ironic, that the very people who have no qualms about violating the innocent, are so quick to complain about perceived violations of their rights, brought on by their own guilty actions.

That's it for this week boys and girls. Everyone have a safe, Plumber and Pedophile free Halloween. I'll be back Monday, with that previously promised , Suburban/Rural blight post I eluded to during my urban Blight series. It promises to be Hillbilly-licious.

Fair and slightly imbalanced. One bad turn deserves another.

Meesha writes a good post and has the Ying to my Yang, .....let me rephrase that. Meesha posted some pictures that prove ignorance is bipartisan, and bad taste has no limits. It is a good counter balance showing what a certain section of society has been reduced to by this election. He makes the point, and a fair one, that the reaction to a similar incident directed towards Obama, was treated seriously by the feds, while this effigy is considered free speech. It's just another flavor of hate, the right doesn't have a monopoly on bile and bullshit. Calling it free speech, or chuckling it off as witty political satire is just a cowardly way of spewing hatred, without the balls to say it with conviction.

Soon they will resort to throwing shit at one another like ill mannered monkeys. I honestly believe this election has exposed the worst of us. And not for nothin, but somebody needs to tell the douche nozzle who put that shit on his house, the McCain dummy looks like Jimmy Carter.

Now for some good news; I will not write or comment on anything related to this election , until it is over. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Awww shit not again. Another political message from the Midtown Miscreant.

When it comes to presidential elections, especially the final 6 weeks, all substance about the things that matter goes out the window. People get ugly, they spit vile at one another across the chasm that separates the liberal from the conservative. The folks who are ahead in the polls, in this case the Democrats, have the luxury of remaining somewhat aloof. They can play the benevolent Uncle, tsk tsking the Republicans for being spoiled sports, poor losers, sailors aboard a sinking ship. If the polls were reversed, those roles would be flipped as well. In the end it's all a big game, granted the stakes are of an infinitely high order, but it's a game all the same, a race, a competition; Get it? Most of us do, even while we besmirch the opposition, post unflattering You Tube videos, and compose scathing indictments on the lacking competency of the opposing candidate, in the end, we don't lose sight of the fact that we are all in this together, despite our differences.

We watch these stump speeches, the candidate whipping the crowd in to a frenzy. Every dig and barb at the other side draws a huge cheer, boo's and hisses, all in agreement, love, peace, and chicken grease. Of course everyone at these rallies is in agreement, it's why they are there. People that attend these things are the voice of the party, at least that's what we are told, but I don't buy that. I think we are better than that, I think we are more than that, and I don't think most of us can be defined in one box or the other. Now before my regular readers get the wrong idea and think I've been in the Hippy Lettuce on a Sunday morning, thus my optimistic sentiment; okay maybe I have but that's beside the point, ....now where was I? Oh, the people at political rallies; they aren't a good barometer or measurement of all of us. Now, I'll tell you why.

This race is different for a multitude of reasons, the economy is as fucked up as a soup sandwich, people are losing their jobs at an alarming rate, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, health care, education, eight long years of mismanagement,and reach arounds, from the incompetent Commander in Chief. The senators and representatives, the supposed checks and balances, have sat on their hands and failed us all miserably. The buck stops with Bush, but it passed through a whole lot of hands to get there. There isn't a single politician in D.C. who shouldn't feel a sense of shame and guilt, not, a, single, one.

That aside, the real issue is one that shouldn't even exist. The thing that has people frothing at the mouth, the elephant in the room, standing on all of our feet, actually isn't a single elephant, it's a small herd, Race, Religion, and Gender. Which brings me to the recent sound bytes of angry McCain supporters, chanting terrorist, traitor, and worse, comparing Obama to Hitler, using the guys middle name with the same vitriol and contempt as if they were calling him a child molester. I gained some new found respect for McCain when he chastised people, the spin in most circles is that he did so, simply to cover his ass, but I don't buy that, I think he did it because he is basically a decent person, at least as much as politics allows. That's the thing, you really can respect someone yet disagree. I think both sides, all of us, would do well to remember that.

The people who are so pissed off, I mean pissed off to the point of dressing down their candidate at his own rally, they disturb me. The morons who take on a mob mentality, recite shit that they heard or read, but don't really understand, they bother me. The anger is motivated through fear, don't try to tell me differently, I lied for a living, I can spot bullshit a mile away. Don't get me wrong, simply disagreeing with a mans politics, questioning his character, fair game and as it should be. That said, there is a small but vocal minority, that get the press, that feed the media those ugly sound bytes. I promise you it's bi partisan, that guy that's yelling kill him, traitor, at the McCain Rally is the same guy who sits around with his buddies, farts, drinks beer and picks his teeth, bemoaning the state of the union should that Spade Muslim sumbitch get in the white house. And for every racist redneck, there is some misogynist democrat or republican who doesn't want that goddamn Alaskan split tail anywhere near the oval office, let alone a heart beat away, unless she is doing a Lewinski. I don't want her there either, but it has nothing to do with her Vagina or blow jobs. I'm a big fan of both, I just happen to disagree with her dogma.

So what's the point to this long winded, wordy, rambling missive? First of all, it's Sunday. If you had something better to do, you would be doing it and not reading this, so quit complaining, or go twitter something. Secondly, and most importantly, and to finally sum this shit up; don't let those snippets of some douche bag at some political rally , be the thing that forms your opinion about Conservatives or Liberals, we are better than that, at least the majority of us, if not, then we are really fucked.

Fast Eddie Friday

That's right boy's and girl's it's back, Fast Eddie Friday! For those of you who dont recall what FEF is, allow me to enlighten you. When I dont have a planned post finished, or cant come up with anything that warrants one of my long winded tirades, I throw together a hodge podge of vaugley witty, mostly acidic, one and two, 3 or 4 liners, on totally unrelated topics. So here we go, fast and loose.

Politicians please stop using the term Main Street. I dont care which party you are with, you are not in touch with the people on Main street. And while I'm on the subject of annoying political catch phrases, Maverick, stop calling yourself a maverick for christ sake. You voted 90 percent of the time with the president. Senator, I met James Garner, you sir are no James Garner.

Obama, I think you are the lesser of two evils, of course I've been stripped of my voting rights so I can't vote for you anyway. That said, you might want to slow down on those vows to change the way this government is run. It's been running the same way since George W chopped down that tree to carve his first set of teeth. In other words, dont let your mouth write checks your ass cant cash.

If I hear one more politician talk about winning the war in Iraq, my head will explode. Let's cut the bullshit, there were no terrorists, al Qadhi, or weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. We lost that war before it ever really got started, because we had no fucking business there in the first place. Let me emphasize this point, You cannot claim victory in a war that was started based on false information and hidden agendas. Sure we have al Qadhi in Iraq now, because they came there to fight us, they brought the fight to us, not the reverse.

Sarah (Betty Boop) Palin is really getting on my last nerve. I'm not sure if it is her repeated claims that she is middle class, bullshit, her insistence that dealing with polar bears that cross from Russia into Alaska, constitutes foreign affairs experience, or her cutesy winks and that fucking Betty Boop voice. If McCain goes tits up and croaks while in the White House, we will be left with Annie Oakley running this country. Just because you can skin a moose and gut a fish, doesn't mean you are qualified to lead a country. "Say it ain't sooo, Joe!

This morning Channel 5 was covering the over night lead disbursement in Westport, the camera panned to one of the people who apparently was getting shot at. He was talking to the police, while sporting a giant over sized Stop Snitching T shirt. Pot meet Kettle.

My comrade and Kansas City blogger Meesha V. was awarded the Pitch Best Of Award for his blog. If you dont read him , I suggest you start, otherwise the KGB might come a knockin.

And last but not least, a certain self proclaimed crime fighter in Kansas City is really starting to get on my nerves. I have a "Stupid Statement" counter running as we speak. This guy has about 3 or 4 more retarded statements to make, before I let loose a tirade, the likes of which have never before been witnessed. Seriously, Alonzo, give the crazy shit a rest, go back to helping people, rather than sounding like some spoiled kid who didn't get picked first for dodge ball.

Okay, that just about does it. Everyone have a safe weekend, in other words do your drinking in JoCo. I'll be back Monday with my latest installment of ne'er do wells I've known.

A public service message from Midtown Miscreant

Am I alone here, or is anyone else as saturated as Sponge Bob Square Pants in a swimming pool, when it comes to the Road to the White house? Let me give you the take of a non political junkie. I promise it will be chock full of oversimplified solutions, uninformed opinions, and a total disregard for the political process. I've got a lengthy list of shit that annoys me, pisses me off, and more importantly , amuses me. Here is the short list.

The rabid, dyed in the wool, petulant, and infantile, Hillary fanatics. Please, and I mean this in a good christian way, Shut the fuck up already! If I see one more angry, frothing at the mouth Hilary supporter, spout the same tired line about how they aren't going to "give up", I swear to God and Mr. Green jeans, I'm going to lose it. There is a certain percentage of Hillary supporters who threaten to vote for a Republican out of spite. They claim to hold a particular set of beliefs and values, and threaten to set those core beliefs aside as payback, because shit didn't play out like they wanted. Like spurned school girls who didn't get asked to the prom by the guy they wanted, they go dateless and spend the night giving the Fish Eye to the girls with dates, while they dance with each other.

To the equally annoying, adoration drunk, uber Obama fanatics, blow the guy already and get over it. I like the guy too, I think he will do a better job than the current Texas wobble head holding office, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't walk on water. Obama hasn't spent his entire life on a mountain in Tibet, he has some dirt on his hands, same as any other political figure, same as every major political figure of the last couple of centuries. Like I said, I think he is the best choice out there, but until he appears at the Burger King on main, feeds the entire population of Hyde Park, with just two Fillet O Fish's and a small fry, I'll reserve the right to not call him Jesus H Christ. So please, stop gushing over the guy, give him some air.

And to the equally clueless and frighteningly devout John McCainiacs, please stop swinging from Grandpas plum sack. If you follow his political leanings, believe in his policies, then I say good for you, you should vote for him. But, if you are basing your decision solely upon the fact that he was a POW, or because he isn't a black guy with a funny name, or because he looks like an older version of Paul Simon, then you are a moron, and you shouldn't be allowed out of the house without a football helmet strapped to your water filled , abnormally large head.

Look, don't get me wrong, I fully understand the importance of electing the Leader of the greatest nation on earth. And to the people who perform that task with rational thought and no hidden agendas, I salute you. I am certain that the majority of voters are guided by a firm belief in their own personal values. But we never see those people on the news. What we are served up instead, is the political equivalent of monkeys flinging poo at one another, and anyone else within range. The politicians and their camps pontificate on their candidates great expertise and vast knowledge, while condemning his opponent to a life spent taking the short bus to the broom factory. I get that part of it, it's their job, it's their hustle. But the glassy eyed zealots, the guy or gal on the street, the one that gets caught up in the bullshit hash being slung by their party, those are the folks who puzzle and amuse me the most.

And finally, to the conspiracy theorists, the cloak and dagger types, the True believers, who think Obama is the antichrist, an Al Kaydee operative, or are buying any of the other far flung accusations on the interwebs, I say this. Are you people fucking retarded? Do you just go around believing anything you are told? I wont even bother linking any of the 20 million websites and message boards that claim Obama will destroy the country, or that he is a Muslim version of Dr. Evil. Look, at the end of the day, no single leader, no president can fuck things up all on his own, he has to have the help and support of all the other knuckleheads on Capitol Hill. That's why we are over in Iraq, we have both parties to thank. Lets stop making wild accusations, lets chill out on the Chicken Little theories, and lets get through this election without killing one another. In the words of a great orator and humanitarian " Can we all just get along"?

I'm Midtown Miscreant, and I approved this message.